I am going to start this off by saying that I have tried again and again to get these thoughts down on paper, however, each time I wrote, I felt like something was wrong with it. I realized that the other times I have written this, it has been from my own head knowledge that I have on the subject. And that is not what this is about—and not the person I am, nor want to be. And not even why I believe in Courtship versus dating. This is about the heart…so it needs to come from my heart. I have tried to make this perfect—written well from beginning to end. However, again, that is not what this is about. All of it is for the glory of God. And that is the reason I write this.
These thoughts I have on Courtship are enough to fill a book, but I am going to try and condense it down to just three posts. So, if you have any questions, please, feel free to ask me; I love talking about it! Before I begin, my advice to you, whenever you read anything, is to bring it back to God’s word, to test and approve what is being said. Lastly… pray.
The Flaw:
I am sure you are familiar with the dating system, so I will not go into great detail about that. However, I will ask you to dream with me for a moment. Imagine your dream wedding dress. Whether it has diamonds all the way down the front, or it is simple and elegant; I want you to picture it. Now imagine that the first guy you ever dated took a red permanent marker and wrote his name on your sparkling white dress. Then your second boyfriend did the same… then the third… all the guys you dated up to the time you met your future husband, all wrote their name on your dress. When the love of your life sees your dress, he feels love just looking at you, but you can imagine that his heart is hurting over the fact that others had also held your hand, and taken a piece of your heart, and worse, would presume to take ownership of a piece of your beautiful dress.
This is an imaginary interpretation, but I tend to view it this way and it is partly what has formed my belief. You see, the flaw in the dating system is that hearts are broken. Feelings are hurt, leaving scars, small and large, that we will one day need to take into our future marriages. I believe that is not what God intended, and He desires to bless us with so much more than we could ever even think to ask for.
Every girl’s desire is to be loved by someone—and every guy’s desire is to feel like a hero and rescue the beauty. So we go searching for that. We end up looking for fulfillment and love in someone that will only be a fleeting wind in our life. We invest time, emotion, and money into something that is going to take our heart away. Whether we realize it or not, every time we enter into a relationship with someone, a little piece of our heart is taken with them.
Our culture is telling girls and guys that they are not worth anything until they have “love.” So early junior high and high school kids—who are not even of an age to be thinking about marriage—are throwing precious “I love you’s” and kisses to one after the other. Until they start to feel empty again. Then the process begins again. Even worse, our culture sometimes tells us lies that the only way to know how to have a successful relationship is to ‘practice’ by many relationship experiences so we’ll know what the ‘real thing’ looks like when we see it. In turn, all you have is how to experience the break up of a relationship, not what it takes to keep a godly marriage for a lifetime.
So what is Courtship?
Like I said, God did not create our childhood to be wasted whispering sweet nothings into gangly, pre-adolescent boys, nor impetuous attention-seeking little girls. No, our childhood is a precious time in everyone’s lives. God intended it that we fall in love with Him every day of that season in our lives, not living for in between heartbreaks. God’s desire is you. He wants us to fall in love with Him every day and seek fulfillment in Him—because only in Him is our satisfaction to be found. God cares more about who you are going to become, rather than who you are going to be “with” in two months.
Before we can have an earthly Courtship, we must fall in love with the God of love. We must experience true love from the Author of Love before we can learn to give it away. That is what Courtship is all about, realizing that our waiting time is not a curse—it is a blessing. It is a time for us to learn to lean on God for everything. It is a time when young men learn how to love and to work. A time for young women to learn to serve and to nurture; it is a time to desire God. And believe me; God can give love like no other.
And I am going to give you a little secret: whether you believe it or not, God is a total romantic. You might be thinking, here goes Kara about romance, again! But I am serious. God is so romantic; He wrote me love letters compiled into one book so I can see Who He is. He sends me flowers in the spring; so many that we see them everywhere! He writes me love songs, and sends the birds to sing them to me. He tickles me with the wind and flirts with me in the clouds and warms me through the sun. He is amazingly romantic. You should definitely get to know Him.
And while we are on the subject of romance, God’s thoughtfulness doesn’t stop there. This very minute He is shaping your future spouse into someone that will fit you perfectly— someone that will not only love you for your heart, but also for the little details about you. Someone that you will adore. God cares about what you desire in a future spouse, so ask Him for those things. You and God can share this beautiful secret between the two of you. He delights in hearing us talk to Him about the deepest desires of our hearts. In the midst of this, God is building in that future mate all the things you and God have dreamt of together. That is another piece of Courtship, He wants you to ask for it, so He can give it—just another part of His loveliness! J
To sum up Courtship in three short posts is going to be hard. And who knows, maybe I just rambled on about a small piece of Courtship when there is a whole world more than just what I have touched on. However, Courtship is not only about getting to know another person with the intention of marrying them one day, it is also growing into who you will become and desiring God, all of Him, the whole way—it is learning what you want in a future spouse and praying that you will receive what you desire, and praying specifically for your future mate—where they are, what they are doing, and so on. This post is about the waiting aspect of Courtship. Even though the world is flying in from one relationship to the next, we can stay strong under God’s wing. Even if your heart has already been broken or mistakes have been made, God is a Redeemer, He can wash away every mark or stain or blemish on that beautiful wedding dress. That is the beauty of Courtship: God can make your heart whole again. It is never too late to start a Courtship with Jesus!
Then He will ordain a meeting between you and your future spouse…
To be continued.
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