One of the sweetest things I have ever seen is something my nephew, Titus, has been doing lately: he has been fascinated with lights. He will be sitting in my arms with his hands wrapped around my neck, when all of a sudden; Titus lifts his face, coo’s with his arms raised above his head, palms open— reaching. His long, curly eyelashes frame his big baby-blue eyes as they mutually shine into the chandelier he is reaching toward. He will interrupt the happiest moment, when he is grinning and giggling, because he is so excited to simply reach out and attempt to touch one of these shimmering stars. For in his young mind, even a light bulb is a star. It’s the sweetest thing ever.
I am not quite sure how this story fits into my post; all I know is it is one of the cutest things I have ever seen, and I simply had to share my auntie-joy.
Although, there is something about a baby's coo that fascinates me. Usually a baby’s coo comes from the overflow of their thoughts. They are thinking, and having not quite developed their ability to talk to themselves, or keep their thoughts within their head; they make a noise in response to their musings. However, Titus’ coo is something special; it is very purposeful. When Titus coo's at someone, he looks directly at them and tries to speak. One can tell that he is trying to say something to you, and he is not simply squeaking out of his baby excitement uncontained. Instead, he has something he wants to say; yet doesn't know how, so he does what he can to communicate. And although we can't understand the words he is trying to say, the light in his eyes and his sheer desire to speak is enough. Thus he does what he can.
God created in me a desire to write. He designed within me, a heart with poetic sensibilities-- sensibilities, I believe He wants to use through me, for His glory. God will lay on my heart what He wants me to say, write and compose, but sometimes I don't have the words. Sometimes I can't think of anything to say or write. The nouns, pronouns and adjectives which are supposed to flow, are bridled—writer's block keeps them confined within me.
When this happens, I simply don’t write. I figure that this means it is not time for me to speak through my pen; even though God has laid the thoughts on my heart. When I feel as though I should write, but I don't have the immediate words; I wait. Titus is teaching me that this isn't always what God is calling me to do. Instead of holding back, waiting, and submitting under mere writer's block; I want to be purposeful when I feel within my heart what God wants me to say. Even if all that comes out in my efforts to bring Him glory are baby coo's, I want mine to be like Titus': Purpose-filled.
In my efforts to write and speak His words, even if I feel like a small toddler, teetering and stumbling as he attempts to walk—having the ability, but lacking confidence—I want to still try. C.S. Lewis says that even if the desire to walk is there, God is pleased even with our stumbles. Thus, when I open my mouth to speak, my heart to listen, my eyes to see, my hands to hold; I want it all to be for the praise of His glory. I want to praise my King on purpose, not on accident. I want everything I do to be on purpose - even if that means writing against writer’s block when He lays the thoughts on my heart. For through my efforts, God is ever more glorified, than through my silence. I believe He will make perfect that which I attempt to do for His kingdom. Even if I can’t find the words and all I can perceive of my writing is a mess; His glory is made perfect in my weakness.
I am so thankful to be an auntie—and have Titus as my nephew. And I am even more thankful that God speaks through the cooing of this little baby. I want to be like Titus when I grow up; I want what I say to be purposeful, even simple coo’s. Praise God.
I love Titus Ryan.
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” - Ephesians 3:20-21
“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” - Edward Everett Hale
