Here I Lay My Isaac Down

Here I lay my Isaac down
Lord, my desire, Lord, my crown
O Lord, here is my Isaac,
I lay it down for You alone

Father, You say, I am completely forgiven
Led by You on this road to Heaven
Lord, I asked, Lord, I prayed
O Lord, You answered
Now here he lays

Many nights I cried, many times I prayed
Many times my sacrifice to You I gave
Laying it down at the feet of Your throne
Until that prayer was answered--
Here You blessed me with my own!

Then I loved, O Lord, I praised;
Your holy name, I exalted and raised
With all I had, I thanked Your name
Then You asked of me, what I dared not think
You asked me to hand him back; Truly, my heart sank

Wandering in this valley of unknown
Begging for peace but desiring hope
You called, O Lord, You asked
I praised You on the mountain
So, Lord, I praise You in the valley

You called, so Your servant answers
Though I must obey, my heart cries for compromise
Dear God, Take something else! --
My land, my wealth
Take something, O Lord, but not this

You rewarded my little faith
Though I stumbled, though I caved
You blessed Your servant with what I craved
Out of Your love, O Lord, You gave;
I thanked, I praised, I loved, I sang
Now out of my love, I must give

So, here I lay my Isaac down
Lord, my desire, Lord, my crown
O Lord, here is my Isaac,
I lay it down for You alone

I lay my Isaac down, for You to restore on Your own
O Lord, I give, O Lord, I’ll obey
O Lord, I still praise Your holy name
This is Your decree, and so I say:
Blessed be

Childlike

Snow inspires me. It inspired a very write-ie mood in me today. So I decided to blog.

     Today I was in the drive-thru of Starbucks with a billion-and-a-half cars in front of me (kind of), so I had time to sit and to think and to listen to Chris Rice sing in the background. I had time to watch the waltz of snowflakes around me. I was admiring the beauty, thinking to myself, “Whoa, that is so pretty.” When the snow started to fall heavier and faster.

     Each unique snowflake that fell upon the windshield of my Mini Cooper was at least the size of two quarters. I had to catch my breath because I could feel the Choreographer of these snowflakes wooing my heart. As if He wanted to impress me and speak and connect with me through my romantic and poetic sensibilities. My admiration went from “Whoa, that is really pretty” to utter awe in a mere heartbeat. As if the King heard my small adjective of “pretty” in response to His creation, looked down at me and said, “You like that? Well, then watch this.”

The symphony began.

     I could hardly breathe. My smile started to spread and tears nearly filled my eyes enough to spill over. Without a second thought, throwing propriety and proper manners to the icy wind, I rolled down my window in the middle of the drive-thru and stuck out my arm as far as I could reach, in the attempt of the capturing of these graceful crystals. Not minding the chilly air, nor the sleeves of my jacket getting soaked, all I felt was my joy and the smile of the King’s heart. He really impressed me.

    I have always been told that I am mature for my age, and maybe I am (And if that is at all true, it is solely by gentle parents and the Grace of God). Anyway, I heard that a lot, so I felt like I needed to completely put “Childish things behind me,” and live up to the term “mature.” In my young brain, I translated “childish” to feelings and emotions. I have always cried easily and felt everything very deeply. I thought tears meant I was a child. I thought being mature was having surpassing talents such as amazing rhetoric and being able to discuss politics and knowing the geography of the earth like the back of my hand, knowing why the sky is blue and physics. And that could be. Who knows?

     So I tried to tame the turbulence of feelings within my heart by bridling and blocking the flood. I thought discussing how beautiful and awe-inspiring leaves were when they changed color in autumn and progressed to fall to the ground at the brink of winter, was childish. So I became embarrassed of those feelings. Believing people to think I am silly and young and foolish and immature. Believing that the woman I am meant to be should certainly enjoy those types of things, however more from an artistic and intelligent angle-- that I should, after seeing something like that, have something philosophical and smart to say in critique or response-- not just sit in the beauty of it.

     I was still trying to tame my emotions, and become sophisticated and cultured, when a few years ago, I was reading in Psalms. The Psalmist, King David, wrote beautifully of Creation in Psalm 19. I had heard, memorized and read that passage of Scripture so many times, however, I read it at a vulnerable moment of time and that is when Jesus spoke to my heart. He showed me that David described the skies, heavens and the mysteries of the ends of the earth very simply. He didn’t make some grand discovery, indeed, at the beginning of this psalm, he wrote simply about the sky. And just the sky. Not why it is blue or what clouds are made of, but simply that it is the glory of God. I began to cry; for from the time I was very young, I always have connected to the most simplistic of things: The painterly qualities of forests, the intoxicating fragrance of rain, the taste of snow, the smile of a child, the excitement of twirling in a dress, the imagination of storytellers. The impulsiveness of youth, bright eyes, long eye lashes, the blush across one’s face, the vulnerability of a man’s smiling face when he hears his love returned by his girl. The sound of “I love you’s.” I am fascinated. And was still fascinated even when I was trying so hard to become “mature.”

     My Heavenly Father was showing me that my idea of mature was all wrong. That He created me with the heart and sensibilities that I have, because it is His facet of speaking and wooing and flirting with me. That I am young and childlike at heart and will never be able to tame for long, the love and excitement He placed in me. He didn’t create love, compassion, awe and inspiration to be held back. He created them to glorify His artistry through us. When realization finally dawned in the midnight of my mind, He began leading and teaching and showing me what beauty is, through that, He was creating a sunrise in my heart and being. The painterly qualities I used to cry at the sight of, were being revealed in me-- and I could see it in those around me. He was sculpting a beautiful heart in me through His patient, Fatherly love; all because I started to pursue becoming whom He wanted me to be, not what I thought I should be.

     I used to be embarrassed at the impulsiveness of my heart. Now, I realize that when Paul wrote about “putting childish things behind me,” I interpreted it wrongly-- ironically, in my immaturity. I began to realize that there is a very distinct difference between “childish” and “childlike.” One of which we should put behind us (childish) and the other our King is saying we should become (childlike). He describes what this looks like in the Gospel of Matthew chapter eighteen, verses one through five.

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who, then,

is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a little child

to Him, and placed the child among them. And He said: ‘Truly I

tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will

never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the

lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And whoever welcomes one such child in My name welcomes Me.’”

    At this realization, my heart rejoiced greatly, for I realized that I am terrible at acting sophisticated and cultured and mature when I tried.  I received compliments such as, “You are very mature for your age,” when I wasn’t trying to be mature.  I was mature when I was listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  When I grew near to God and allowed Him to be near to me.  When I allowed myself to feel what He is showing me through His way, not my “sophisticated” way.  When I said what was on my mind and heart through His love and gentle guidance.  When I expressed and shared His joy and love.

    When I finally began to understand what Childish and Childlike meant, that is when Jesus opened the flood gates of my heart and taught me how to write.  Actually, He opened the eyes and ears of my heart to listen to His words and He sculpts, through the chaotic messiness of my mind, and places words into the proper paragraphs and stanzas.  It’s pretty exciting.  At this same time of releasing my childishness and becoming childlike, He also allowed me to release the aches and pain that my hands cause me.  He allows me to, each moment I stand in awe, forget about the ache of my hands and sit only in His beauty.  It’s marvelous.

    Of course I am still becoming who God wants me to be, and daily do I still have to put childish things behind me and become childlike in response to His glorious love.  However, I am no longer embarrassed by the feelings in my heart.  I no longer feel the need to hide behind a mask of staunch religion.  Instead, He is showing me that I am a ragamuffin-feeler and that, as Brennan Manning answered the question in his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, “How do we live in the presence of the living God?” he responds saying, “In wonder, amazed by the traces of God all around us.”  He is teaching me to be fully alive and stand amazed at His wonder.  I can finally be set free from the shackles I put on my heart and I can cry, smile, sing and dance in the love of the Heavenly relationship I have with the King of kings and Lord of lords.  Goodness, I am in love.

    And believe it or not, through this childlike wonder, I now see beauty in science, physics, astronomy, UFOs, rocket science and mathematics instead of feeling drudgery.  What a wonder, right?  Although I am created a feeler, and love dreams and simple things.  I enjoy those things as opposed to facts and details, but God did not limit me to only enjoying things through my right brained-ness.  Instead, He taught me that learning about these things are beauty to left-brained people.  And thus, I see the beauty in facts and science along with similes and analogies.  So, if you are left-brained and very smart, I appreciate you.  The world needs you.

    All of that to say, when the snow came pouring down around me as I sat within my red Mini Cooper, I didn’t just see it as frozen raindrops, but as Jesus wooing and flirting with me.  And I jumped at the chance to stand in childlike wonder.  So in the drive-thru of Starbucks today, although I had a silly grin across my face at the Waltz of these falling Snowflakes, I wonder if the smile on my heart was even bigger and brighter than the one on my face.  I probably looked ridiculous, but maybe I made someone smile.

    Want to be a little kid with me? Sweet. Let’s begin with admiring the stars tonight.